Union Jack Attack

Today we found a thousand-year-old tree, and when I walked up to have a closer look and admire it John was pissing on it.
"It's a mark of respect!" quoth he.
What if the tree pissed on you, John.  What if the tree pissed on you.

The Big Book of British Smiles

I flew to London today. On the flight from UT to Boston I sat next to a short, portly man with a rich mustache who sported a camo backpack and heavy work boots and didn't put down his Tom Clancy novel the entire flight.  I listened to Julian Casablancas, Brandon Flowers and Passion Pit for eight hours.  I ate some Skittles (thanks Lydia) and then I ate the portly man next to me. Still didn't put down his book so I ate that too. I'm too poor to afford in-flight "goodies" and the complimentary thimble of peanuts wasn't exactly doing the trick. hopefully none of you have to endure a hungry pissed off Chris, because then the situation starts to look like this:

The appartment I'm living in is drenched in the fetid stench of pineapple.